Within Westminster, to misquote Paddy Ashdown

Some more parliamentary exchanges which have amused How Ridiculous this week.

This from questions about the European Constitution on Tuesday.

Rev. Ian Paisley (North Antrim) (DUP): I am sure that the Minister would like to know that people will be greatly alarmed that Europe is in a period of reflection. I assure him that all the reflection in the world is not going to raise the dead; regardless of a certain religious leader who believed in a certain place which has now been abolished, quite evidently the constitution is not going to purgatory, and if it is not in heaven and it is not in hell, it is dead. It would be better for the Minister now to reflect on the price of the funeral and then get a new constitution.

Mr. Alexander: It is intriguing to be offered such advice on Catholic theology by the right hon. Gentleman, but I shall certainly reflect on the points that he has made.

This from Prime Minister's Questions on Wednesday.

Q9. [49482] Mr. Michael Ancram (Devizes) (Con): The Prime Minister opened his responses today, as he does each week, with the words, "In addition to my duties in the House, I will have further such meetings later today." Will he list his duties in the House and say whether, by any chance, they include voting?

The Prime Minister: Periodically is the answer to that.

And these from Business Questions on Thursday.

Mrs. Theresa May (Maidenhead) (Con): Finally, can we have a debate on the public appeal of MPs? I am sure that the Leader of the House will be aware that my right hon. Friend the Member for Witney (Mr. Cameron) has been voted one of the world's 100 sexiest men. [Hon. Members: "Who voted?"] I see that in a BBC poll conducted to find the sexiest Nottinghamshire MP—I have the right county this week—the Leader of the House came seventh. Top of the poll was my hon. Friend the Member for Newark (Patrick Mercer), second was "none of the above", and the Leader of the House even came behind my right hon. and learned Friend the Member for Rushcliffe (Mr. Clarke). A debate would, of course, give my right hon. and hon. Friends an opportunity to give the Leader of the House a few tips.

Mr. Hoon: I have always recognised that I need all the help I can get, but I am quite happy with the result of that particular poll—and so is my wife.

James Duddridge (Rochford and Southend, East) (Con): Who voted many times!

Mr. David Winnick (Walsall, North) (Lab): For reasons that I have never been able to understand, I have never been included in the list of the sexiest MPs. [Interruption.] As I say, the reasons are totally incomprehensible to me.